Divorce can be a challenging and emotional time for both spouses. Poor communication is often a significant component of why relationships break down, but it can continue to complicate things when going through a divorce. If you’re going through the dissolution process, you may want to avoid communicating with your spouse because you’ve already found it challenging.
However, continued communication during divorce can lead to better results, especially if children are involved. Below, we will look at some strategies that can help your communication be less stressful and more effective both during and after your divorce.
Communicating with Your Spouse During Separation
Many strategies exist to maintain constructive dialogue, minimize conflict, and promote emotional well-being during and after divorce.
Be Respectful
Depending on the circumstances, tension between spouses often exists. However, being respectful during the process of divorce can lead to better results. Some ways of showing respect may include:
- Act in a civil manner—avoid attacking the other person, name-calling, and being defensive;
- Use neutral language—choose words and a non-confrontational tone that help you stay on target during the discussion;
- Practice active listening—give the other person your full attention, hear their perspective, and think before you respond; and
- Be honest—communicate openly and honestly with your spouse to facilitate better communication and reach a more durable divorce agreement.
Being respectful and maintaining healthy communication is critical, especially if you have minor children. The well-being of your children should be the main focus. Disrespectful and disparaging communication between spouses negatively impacts children and their parental relationships. A California court considers the best interests of the child when determining child custody. They can also look at how the parents act towards one another and if they support the other parent’s relationship with the child. The more amicably you interact with your spouse, the more likely you will get a better co-parenting or custody plan.
Don’t Hold a Grudge
Many divorcing couples get stuck in the divorce process or encounter stalemates because they are holding on to past issues. It is natural in divorce to think about past issues and events that may have caused the deterioration of your relationship. However, that is often unproductive and can lead to a lot of animosity and further arguments. If you can focus on the present issues and think about how to reach a resolution that works for both parties, your divorce will face fewer challenges.
Regulate Your Emotions
Emotions often run high during separation and divorce. The end of a relationship can be painful and overwhelming, and spouses may try to deal with their pain by trying to provoke each other or being mean-spirited.
It is essential to regulate your emotions and stay calm. Emotional reactions can often be hostile and antagonistic, making it more challenging to come to a fair settlement. You may need a third party or a mediator to ensure calm and productive communications.
Keep Communication in Writing
It is helpful to keep communications with your spouse in writing. Documenting communications ensures that both parties are on notice of what is agreed upon. If your spouse acts negatively, is disrespectful, or sends hurtful communications, it can also serve as proof to support potential legal claims if the matter goes to court.
Remember that documentation goes both ways. Whatever you put in writing may also be used against you in court. Be careful with what you write and how you write it.
Set Boundaries
While it is important to be willing to exchange ideas and compromise in the divorce process, it is also good to set clear boundaries with your spouse. Healthy boundaries you establish with your spouse can help the divorce process run more smoothly. It can also help your relationship after divorce, especially if you will be co-parenting for years to come. Boundaries may include the need for space, relationships with mutual friends, social media use, or communication. Be clear about your needs and how you and your spouse can support them.
Consult a Divorce Lawyer
When you or your spouse decide it is time to separate or divorce, both parties should consult a California divorce lawyer before making any agreements. An experienced Pakpour Banks divorce lawyer can review your situation and help you understand your legal rights. They can also help you determine if your divorce should go to mediation or if it can be amicable and uncontested. Regardless of the type of divorce process, our divorce attorneys can advise on how to best communicate with your spouse and their attorney throughout the process.
Mr. Banks and Mr. Pakpour practiced family law for many years before merging their practices in 2019. They have helped hundreds of clients navigate the complex California divorce process. Our firm understands that going through a divorce is legally complicated and emotionally charged. We will fight zealously for your interests and aim to avoid unnecessary costs and turmoil. Contact Pakpour Banks LLP today to learn how we can help you with your separation or divorce.
Brian enters the family law profession with a refreshing approach to these proceedings: heal families; don’t destroy them. In some cases, this means the family is going to look different than it did before. In other cases, this means a new family is created where there was none before. Either way, individuals should leave family court knowing their voices were heard, and with healthy attitudes about themselves and those they love.